Clean Out My Closet with Me

Let's take everything out and just START OVER, and tell a few stories while we're at it. Oh, and we'll look at some photos of my miniature dachshund, Noodle, as well.

It’s April! The rain is pouring, the house is pitch-black. I half love it—300k lamp days are often good for homebody souls; it’s an excuse to indulge in guilt-free hibernation, our favorite thing! Of course, I half hate it, too. After a particularly brutal Chicago winter, I could use some sunshine, both for the vitamin D and for the overall motivation to break out of my hobbit lifestyle I’ve become a tad too accustomed to. (Coincidentally, my dog looks like Dobby.)

AGREE? (That’s Noodle, in case you’re new here. Hi!)

Let’s lean into the cozy because there’s no other choice, and tackle my closet today. We’ll turn on those 300k lamps, play French jazz because who plays anything else on rainy days, and take LITERALLY EVERYTHING OUT AND START FRESH.

What is it about cleaning out closets that make us procrastinate doing it—sometimes for literal years?! Well, let’s be serious. The answer is that we don’t want to deal with the emotions that spill out the moment the closet’s contents spill out.

“OMG, I spent so much money on this and never wore it. I feel so guilty.” “This never fit well.” “This once fit well.” “I don’t know whose this is. Did I accidentally steal something?!” “So-and-so gave this to me and I hate it but I love her, and I can’t throw out that kind of love!” “Am I okay?” “I should really talk to someone.”

(God I love Substack.)

Let’s get to it. Welcome to my closet, which I’ve let go over the last few months. I share it with my husband, Mitch, who owns very little clothing because A) he enjoys wearing shorts in the winter, and B) he has a problem with 99 percent of clothing. I don’t think I’ve ever really shown it before?! (The closet, that is.)

It’s not a walk-in or anything, but I think I’m grateful for that. I just know myself, and a walk-in closet could be challenging for me to keep tidy. If you’re nodding your head, too many surfaces tempting you to throw stuff on them, right?! My old-school closet is perfect for me and my covert messiness. Also, after years of NYC micro living, this closet is a total dream. How lucky I am to not have to use those vacuum-sealed storage bags!

(Yes, I have a camel bag problem. The snow boots need to be put away. How cute is that dachshund hat? The light went out last year. Need to replace the lightbulb without dropping the glass enclosure part and shattering it everywhere. Can you imagine what a disaster that would be? We’d be unable to walk barefoot, picking up glass shards for months. And see those wedding guest dresses in clear bags? I’ve been putting off trying them on because I chanced it all and bought them on final sale and I’m anxious they might not fit. Time for me to get it together, Friends!)

Mitch uses the right side of the closet and I use the left, but I encroach on his space more and more each year, like most wives do. I’d love to give him back his real estate today. (See where the Louis Vuitton tote is? That’s his side. Yet my stuff keeps inching its way over there. I wonder how that happens?!)

Other goals include donating/consigning what I don’t love anymore, refreshing my memory in terms of what I already own so I don’t absent-mindedly buy stuff that’s similar (as you can see, I love neutral and striped fisherman sweaters a little too much), packing away overtly winter pieces and moving spring/summer dresses into their places, and organizing the stuff I want to wear in a way that I actually do wear it. What good is a beautiful silk blouse, for example, if it’s crumpled up and hidden, squished between god knows what? Trying on those wedding guest dresses is a top priority, too—and returning a few things that don’t fit before the return windows close. (Prayers up that they haven’t already closed, ha. Ugh.)

I’m going to go ahead and start by literally emptying the contents of the closet. Have always done quick little maintenance clean-outs, but it’s been nearly five years since we moved into this house, and it could use a proper restart. The rest of the house is tidy right now so it’s also not that daunting. Once I empty it, I’m going to vacuum and wipe down the surfaces and put away the winter footwear. Look at me!

Longterm goal is to one day lightly sand the shelves and paint them white. Maybe install a little wallpaper so the space brings joy when I open it every morning. But that’s a project for another day/year. Could you imagine Mitch’s face if he caught me carrying the paint cans upstairs right now? (Can’t lie… briefly thought to myself a second ago, “You know what, Self, let’s just do it. YOLO!” Thankfully slapped myself back down to Earth almost immediately.)

Boom! Everything’s out and on top of my bed. Of course, I’m ashamed of how much I own. I certainly don’t wear all of it. (There’s another pile on the other side of the bed, too.) But we’re not letting guilt ruin this for us. We’re going to put our headphones on and enjoy the process!

All right. Just vacuumed and wiped the space down. And while I’m fighting the urge to wallpaper it, I will also not let my unrealistic expectations turn this relatively short project into a weeks-long one. Back on task, Kelly, BACK ON TASK.

Side note: Because I have my little buddy at my feet right now, please enjoy this photo of Noodle in her Folklore cardigan. I can’t. But I obviously could and did.

Back. On. Task.

This isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I’ve organized by color for the last few years because it’s easier for me to find stuff that way—I’m looking for my blue top, ah yes, here it is with its blue friends!—so doing that again as I put favorites back into the closet. Left to right, light to dark, stripes somewhere in the middle.

As I do that, I’m considering duplicates, ill-fitting and uncomfortable garments, clothing that looks worn/ratty, out-of-style stuff, and purchases I wish I’d never made. ;) All that goes into a big pile for now; I’ll sort it into trash/donate/consign/return after I’m done with step 1.

Here are a few things I need help deciding on, though! What do you think?

Decision one: How do we feel about this hot pink gown? I CAN’T BELIEVE IT FITS! I snagged it for a crazy steal, but it was final sale and I’ve been putting off trying it on because I was so afraid it wouldn’t fit and then I’d be stuck forever with a hot pink ball gown, ha. The plan is to wear it to my cousin Paige’s wedding on Kiawah Island in May. (She’s basically my little sister.) The vibe is “coastal black tie.” But does it clash with my hair?! Can (fake) red(ish)heads wear hot pink?! Would be great if you guys think it works because of that whole final sale issue—but tell me the truth. ;) I CAN HANDLE IT. (Btw, linking a TON of hot pink bow dresses at various price points here.)

Decision two: These red patent leather pumps from J.Crew. (Factory version in gold in stock here.) LOVE red shoes, but I don’t love patent in general. Too shiny. Too stiff. If they were suede, they’d be so adorable. I love the adorable things. Going in the pile, yes?

(If you’re looking for a fabulous pair of red shoes, J.Crew Factory is currently carrying this flat and this pump! And J.Crew has this pair of low pumps.)

Decision three: These Sperry loafers. These were once my faves. Tried-and-true preppy coastal ivy leagueish shoes. BAH, I don’t think I can give them up. They’re perfectly molded to my feet. But they’re also a little worn looking. I’m putting them back into the closet. I adore them. I think they could just need a good polishing. (These are the loafers I wear all the time these days!)

Decision four: This green velvet Hill House dress. It used to be a favorite but I didn’t wear it last year because of its billowy arms and length; I wish it were shorter so I could wear over-the-knee boots to keep my legs/feet warm in the arctic tundra that is Chicago. Here I am wearing it with black boots, but that looks off to me. Do I have it hemmed? Oooh, there’s an idea. Or do we part ways? Too milkmaid? I apparently used to want to be a milkmaid, considering how many dresses in this style I’ve owned over the years. No offense, milkmaids.

I think this one’s a toss.

Decision five: This red Mark & Graham bag. It’s the cutest, but I do wish I had a red bag that was a tad dressier. Then again, it’s ideal for casual weekends when running around with the kids. Looks great with stripes. Keeping!

Cardigan / Pants (Highest recommendation.) / Softest Flats (Quince’s affordable version is just about identical! SO SOFT!)

Decision six: This Sezane cardigan. I love it. But it has (a small amount of) alpaca and/or mohair in it and it drives me crazy. I know my cousin Sammy loves Sezane, and I don’t think wool bothers her, so it’s going to her! And that makes me feel so much less guilty. Yay.

Cardigan / Jeans / Sneakers / Favorite Ribbed Top

Decision seven: This gray Barefoot Dreams cardigan. It’s so soft and cozy but I feel sloppy when I wear it. (Though these widest-leg jeans probably aren’t helping that, HA. ) I also have it in camel, which makes me feel more put together, and I wear it more often than the gray. Is this goodbye? I think so…

Skirt / Quince Top / Similar Pumps

Decision eight: This Jenni Kayne leopard slip skirt, which is actually 70 percent off today. (Wow! J.Crew Factory has a similar one on sale for $29, too. And as always, Quince has a version.) I love it in theory, and I paid way too much money for it. But I never wear it. Okay, wait. Just slipped it on (slip skirt joke) and I really like it, hahaha. I really think this proves that we need to “shop” our own closets once in a while and wear the stuff we haven’t in forever. (Or ever.)

Sailor Sweater Pants (Newer Sailor Sweater Pants + Classic Sweater Pants… And these look so similar to the pair I’m wearing!) / Washable Silk Cami / Similar Suede Pumps

Decision nine: These J.Crew sweater pants. I remember them hugging my hips a tad too tight, but now that I have them on, I think I just need to wear them with simple, flowy tops. This is cute! And they’re comfy! They’re sweater pants, so as you can imagine, they feel like pajamas. Keep!

Omg I am not getting rid of enough…

Navy Bow Dress / Similar Gold Sandals

Decision 10: This navy bow dress. Ugh I love it! But it’s also extremely poofy. Like, Cupcake Surprise Doll kind of poofy. (IYKYK) Slightly devastated because that askew bow is delightfully adorable, but Carly warned me about this. And we’ll always have the pink gown. Return! There we go.

Wow. Maybe it’s not a Pinterest-worthy transformation, or even a change that’s all that noticeable. But I’m organized, aware of what I own, and only in possession of pieces I truly love. I feel better. Refreshed. Like I’m beginning anew. I know I won’t buy anymore fisherman sweaters.

There’s a little more spring in my step. Springing into action with my closet proved to be worthwhile. Even if I have to spring for a new striped tee, because I realized mine is a little ratty-looking. ;)

I can’t believe I kept that velvet milkmaid dress for so long!

If you’re still reading, thanks for coming along on this journey with me. Tomorrow I’ll share additional pieces I fell in love with (again) while reorganizing my closet. Lucky you!

This might seem like an abrupt end to this post, and you’re right. It is. But it’s time for you to GO TO BED, Missy. Or get up, if it’s the morning. I see you. Jk, I don’t actually see you. That’d be super inappropriate and creepy.

Toodles from Kelly and Noodle!